Saying goodbye to Gracie

How do I even begin this post? How can I convey what it has been like for me to watch one of my very closest friends go through such a trial in her life with her cherished baby? How does anyone put into words the deep emotions that I have felt over this sweet baby girl? I have loved her before she was born and I will love her forever.

Gracie was born on March 20, 2008 with a broken little heart, but a perfect little soul. She underwent her first of three scheduled heart surgeries at four days old. All went as planned until 7 hours post surgery, she crashed and was put on life support (ECMO). Her family spent the next week and a half at her side praying for a miracle. They said their goodbyes and Gracie surprised even the most experienced doctors as her heart began to work. She spent the next 3 months in the hospital until she was finally well enough to come home to her beautiful loving home where she was adored by her two brothers and sister. Michele has documented each step of the journey in Gracie's blog.

During the next 8 months I spent many special moments with "my Gracie." At first I just tried to keep up with Michele to help her with all the many medical needs that Gracie had. There were round the clock meds to administer (just think about what a pain it is to give your child antibiotics 3 times a day for ten days for an ear infection...then multiply that by 10!) There were dressings to change on her incision, feeding tubes to insert and re insert, breast milk to be pumped and measured for her feeds that usually ended up in Gracie throwing most of it up, there were severe diaper rashes (seriously the saddest thing you could ever imagine), doctor appointments, piles of laundry, and three other children in the family that needed love and attention! As routines were developed and Gracie began to improve and heal, I got the privilege of spending quiet times with Gracie so that Michele could run the errands that never end in a normal family. Michele's strength and testimony began to shine forth like I had never before seen. We spent many mornings chatting, bathing Gracie, and cleaning her house side by side (something that we both enjoy doing) and it felt like the careless good old days. Gracie loved being in her crib and hated to be fussed over. It was rare when she wanted to be held, much less be cuddled, but I was able to have a few times with her when I got to hold her and love her. I will forever remember the Friday (Feb. 6, 2009) before she went back into the hospital. Jenny and I had decided to go to Michele's together to help her deep clean her house and get everything organized so that Michele could feel better about being gone everyday at the hospital. We had taken a break to have lunch and I started to clear the table to do the dishes when Jenny looked at Gracie and said, "Let the dishes wait and let's play with Gracie and Michele." I always tend to be the "Martha" in the story, but I'm thankful that Jenny was the "Mary" and helped remind me of what was important. We spent the next TWO hours on the floor playing with Gracie, taking pictures, and marveling at how Gracie was loving being on her stomach for the first time ever. I will cherish those two hours for the rest of my life!

Gracie's second surgery to continue to repair her heart was scheduled in November last year, but it was discovered through a lengthy cath. procedure that her heart was not strong enough for it. Her heart held on until February when the surgery became urgent. Again, her heart cath came back with the same problems. Her only hope would be a heart transplant. She was sent home to wait for the call. The next day it was discovered that her left side wasn't moving. Tom and Michele rushed her back up to Primary's. Her heart had begun to fail and her rapid loss of blood pressure had caused her to have something similar to a stroke. After several critical days, she was stabalized and put at the top of the list for a new heart. She would have to wait in the hospital until one became available. After only 3 days Michele got the call! I wasn't home and she left me a message with the news on my answering machine which I can't bear to delete. Her voice was the happiest I had heard her since she found out she was having a girl!

Gracie received her transplant on February 22, 2009. Everything was going well, until they unclamped the new heart and the left side didn't work! It's impossible to describe the range of emotions from sheer elation to devastation in less than 24 hours! She came out of the surgery on the ECMO machine AGAIN. This time, she was unable to recover. I had the beautiful and sacred experience of kissing her sweet little head as I whispered my goodbyes at the hospital last night. Such a peaceful spirit is felt in her presence.

Later today Tom and Michele will have to do the hardest thing any parent will ever be faced with. They will be turning everything off and say goodbye to their angel for the last time in this life (just 18 days before her one year old birthday and two days before her Daddy's birthday) She is my little hero. She has been SO STRONG and SO BRAVE! I love her so much. She knew exactly what her mission in life would be and was willing to come despite all the pain and all the restrictions. Her life literally touched thousands of people even though she spent 99% of her days either in the hospital or inside her home.

Her life is a testimony that God loves us and hears our prayers and grants miracles everyday! Some of those miracles happened in her life. Some of those miracles happened in the lives of all of us who loved her.

Some people who hadn't prayed in a long time, or maybe even ever, were reminded of the powers of heaven and brought to their knees.

Some people who had taken life for granted, hugged their children a little tighter each night.

Others who may have been struggling financially realized that they still had what was most important.

Some people whose marriages were detriorating were given second chances when they understood the importance of celestial marriage and eternal families.

Many, many people had their faith and testimonies strengthened that peace and comfort comes from turning to the Lord. That He has a plan for each of us. Sometimes it's what we want. Sometimes it's completely opposite. Sometimes we come to understand why. And sometimes we may never know. He died so that we can all return 'home' again. He lives and Gracie lives too! What a gift she has been in all of our lives. How blessed we were to be in the presence of such a perfect little spirit. I can just picture the reunion parties being planned in her heavenly home and the shouts of "Gracie's back" echoing through Heaven. She will finally have a complete and perfect heart and for that knowledge I am so grateful. May we be worthy to see her again someday.

I love you Gracie.

Thank you Michele, for letting me be a part of your life. Thank you for helping me see how blessed I am. Thank you for your friendship, your example, your faith, and your strength. Chance made us neighbors, luck made us friends, God made us sisters.

Please keep the Gledhills in your prayers today.